Hospital Stay

A few weeks back we were doing the latest round of hospital living. My mum went in for more brain surgery to remove her reoccurred GBM tumor.

Over this three week period many items were purchased and/or packed to make her life on the inside more enjoyable. So in the spirit of helping others, here is what she found useful. I have also included tips regarding accommodation and food. Please note, this list is likely to vary from person to person, ailment to ailment:

Pyjamas that are stylish and don't look too much like pjs. You want something your loved one can wear during the day, visit the hospital cafe in and feel fairly respectable. CottonOn Body and Myer have great options. Make sure you have several pairs, include dressing gowns and socks. You will need enough to keep your patient stocked up while you do a laundry run.

Air diffusers such as the Dusk ones. They really make a stay more comfortable by keeping gross hospital smells to a minimum.

Audiobooks. Due to my mum's condition she found reading too hard but enjoyed having audiobooks, especially humorous ones.

Favourite toiletries including a luxurious hand cream. Any little treat turns into a big one when being prodded and hooked up to various devices. You can also give your loved one foot and hand rubs.

Pictures of people and things they love.
Noise cancellation earphones. Mum used these all the time not only to watch or listen to entertainment but also just to cancel out the beeps, groans and constant noise of a hospital ward.

Note pad and paper. To write down any questions they might have for doctors, lists, or random scribbles.

A nice throw for the bed. Much more homely and comfortable than the standard hospital corners.

A vase for all those flowers that get sent.
Pillows from home. As my mum often had to sleep sitting upright she found great comfort in having her favourite pillows from home. Don't forget to bring some extra pillow slips so they can be regularly washed (especially if you have a healing head incision on your hands).

Helpful tips for the carer:

If you have to travel interstate to care for your loved one, consider hiring an apartment instead of a hotel room. If you are staying near Royal North Shore in Sydney let me know and I can send you a great recommendation right in the St Leonards' Forum. Apartments are so much better because you have a home base including a kitchen to prepare meals, a washing machine and several bedrooms. As a family unit you can stay connected while having your own space. Try for somewhere walking distance to the hospital, public transport and a grocery store.

Shift work. With all of us having work and family commitments, our family took turns being in Sydney and coming back to Canberra. It is a long slog and the load has to be shared.

Find the best places for healthy meals close by. You will soon get sick of hospital cafe food and so will your loved one. Again, if staying near Royal North Shore let me know and I can tell you some of them. I can also let you know about a great Thai massage place too!


Hopefully the above helps in some small way. Over the last year I have had lots of time in hospitals so if you are ever after more advice or support just drop me a line, happy to help. Also, don't be afraid to comment with some of your own tips!!

Ladies' Night...

These images were taken at our monthly ladies' night. A bunch of amazing women I'm blessed to call friends gather once a month to eat, talk, be merry, vent, mourn, laugh and predict who will get the final rose on The Bachelor.

I've known some of these women for around 20 years!! Yikes!! I remember them as innocent primary school girls, awkward high schoolers, not so innocent twenty-something's and now fabulous members of the thirties club.

There has been breakups, bust ups, falling outs, travels, babies, marriages, parties and everything in between. Yet we always end up in our pjs bonding over food and tv.

I love this and ladies, I love you.

Xx

Running and Stumbling

 Six months ago my family got one of the biggest shocks possible, and like the starting gun of a marathon we have been running and stumbling since.

My mother was diagnosed with a Stage IV Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM) brain tumour.  Since then we have all survived her surgery, six weeks of radiation and monthly rounds of chemo. We wouldn't be able to do it without the incredible support we have received. Advice, practical love, listening ears and thoughtful gestures are carrying us when we feel like giving up.

So in honour of this and to 'pay it forward', here are two lists of ideas that you might find helpful if you are either caring for a loved one with cancer or are a friend of a carer. This is by no means a fool-proof guide on how to deal with such a difficult situation but rather what has worked for me so far.

If you are a carer:

* Two of my nearest and dearest girlfriends gave me this piece of advice about fighting cancer "remember it is a marathon, not a sprint". This has been so true. Try to pace yourself, make time just for you and be kind to yourself. You are no help to anyone if you are totally drained.

*Rally your team, delegate certain tasks and have a roster. This has really worked for my family. One of us deals with the finances and legal tasks while another two rotate being at appointments and giving home care. This allows for everyone to still maintain other life responsibilities and reduce burnout. We also have a family calendar which gets updated and circulated regularly so everyone knows when the next appointments/trips to Sydney are.

*Use a whiteboard in your kitchen and write down critical things especially the medications list including dosage instructions plus important phone numbers.

*Have a good record keeping system, even if it is just having one big folder for everything. Take it to all your appointments. You could be dealing with surgeons, oncologists, radiologists, physiotherapists, psychologists, nurse coordinators, occupational therapists, GPs and more. Inevitably they will ask for certain types of information so it is just easy to have it all on you.

*Fight for the best and don't stop until you get it. It is a harsh reality but when it comes to medical practitioners there is the super stars and then the not so good. Do you research, ask your contacts, find out who is the TOP GUN in their field and get them to look after your loved one. Never apologise for being pushy, this can be a life and death situation and I want the person with the best record for saving lives.

*Plan fun. With the gruelling schedule of appointments, feeling ill and just surviving you need to have fun, take the edge off and heal. Every Tuesday night mum, my sister and I have date night. Sometimes we go to the movies or a show. If mum is not feeling crash hot we just hang at her house. We have also planned a few small family trips.

*Be proactive. I'm not a doctor or in research and at times feel hopeless, so I have done some fundraising for different cancer related charities. It makes me feel like I'm doing something positive and contributing to a brighter future.

*Seek help. I'm always here to help if I can in some way. All you have to do is get in contact :)

If you are a friend of a carer

The best advice I can give is just DO SOMETHING! If it is from the heart it will be appreciated and radiate hope and love. Do what feels right to you. Here is some things people have done for me:

*sent a text or a Facebook message checking in

*cooked some meals

*sent flowers

*sent a handwritten card

*supported fundraising events

*called and listened

*shouted a pedicure and massage

*been physically present 

*allowed a flexible working environment so I can attend appointments

*looked after our pet while staying in Sydney

*cleaned our house and stocked the fridge before we returned home from Sydney

*provided mum free haircuts/head shaves

*helped with my sick toddler so I could get some sleep

*made me laugh

*allowed me to cry

*shared advice and experiences fom their own battles

*continued to be a support long after the initial shock

*been a true friend

Hopefully the above has helped in some way. In all of this it has been so humbling to receive such gracious gestures and to know how precious life truly is.

Xx

10 Things We Can Learn from Beyonce

Sometimes when  I feel down or just a bit blah, I watch Beyonce YouTube videos and get my girl power on again. Here are 10 things we can learn from Beyonce:

1. Bootylicious

We are all perfect creations that are made to feel imperfect but never fear! Flip it, embrace your so called 'flaws', create a new way to describe them and don't worry about those 'not ready for your jelly'!

http://youtu.be/aOrZ42Z-ewA

2. Best Thing I Never Had

"Find the good in goodbye" and realise a missed opportunity can be a blessing in disguise. Whether it is a relationship, promotion or relocation recognise that often a higher power is looking after you and closing off something not that beneficial.

http://youtu.be/FHp2KgyQUFk

3. Girl

Stand strong with your girlfriends. Show them you care. No woman can get through life without her ladies cheering her on. As Destiny's Child puts it: "I'm your girl, you're my girl, we're your girls, don't you know that we love you?".

http://youtu.be/ZIszesDaK9U

3. Freakum Dress

Enough said, we all need to get our hot on from time to time!

 http://youtu.be/ArDXxTsJJoo

4. Me, Myself and I

Being a strong, independent and single lady is a powerful message Queen Bee often advocates. One that will forever be true - you don't ever need a man to validate your self worth. Never stay in a bad relationship, you are magnificent on your own, don't let anyone steal your shine.

http://youtu.be/4S37SGxZSMc

http://youtu.be/4m1EFMoRFvY

5. Why Don't You Love Me

We all get insecure from time to time.

http://youtu.be/QczgvUDskk0

6. Upgrade U

If you are in a relationship make sure you are a power couple. Choose someone who pushes you to be your best, while you do the same for them. This doesn't just apply to our careers but also our growth as a human such as our emotional and spiritual development, and even our parenting skills.

 http://youtu.be/6nr8hPnZfMU

7. Diva

"A diva is a female version of a hustla" and girls don't ever give up the hustle! Don't be afraid of hard work and watch that money and success pile up!

http://youtu.be/rNM5HW13_O8

8. Crazy in Love

Fall head over heels, it is the only way to the this love thing right!

http://youtu.be/ViwtNLUqkMY

9. Survivor

Be a survivor. Crawl and fight your way through the darkness and become resilient in the process.

http://youtu.be/Wmc8bQoL-J0

10. Green light

This is for the men - sometimes a strong woman just wants you to take the lead ;)

http://youtu.be/bOXvqkC3W4M

YOLO

YOLO is my new motto.

You
Only
Live
Once

Nothing like your mother having a life threatening illness* to get your YOLO swagger on.

I was introduced to this phrase by my guilty pleasure 'Keeping up with Preggas Kim'** and my sis when she went partying five nights in a row. I instantly loved YOLO, how is sums up an attitude in a cute word.

Now I have chosen to make YOLO my daily mantra and so has the rest of my family. What is great about YOLO is that you don't have to do something incredibly exciting to embrace it (although this is def allowed when YOLO is involved). All you have to do is WHATEVER YOU WANT!

So here are some ways I'm getting my YOLO on:

Wearing lipstick:
Might as well start with the most earth shattering of them all right?!?! LOL***. I have always been scared to wear lipstick because I barely have any lips whatsoever. I've always admired from afar the lovely lassies pouting those juicy bright lips while I stuck to my 'heavy eye, no lippie' look. But now I am YOLOing it. Seriously, who cares if it isn't  the best look for me?? YOLO demands we enjoy ourselves and have fun! So now I sport a bright lip****. Hubby is not a fan as he thinks it is ageing,but I don't care, YOLO is being true to yourself and having a go (insert a big smiley face with red lips here)!

Getting inked:
Sis and I went and got inked. We have matching lotus flower tattoos in honour of our mummy and what the lotus represents. That beauty comes through growing and rising above the mud and murky waters. We both talked about it for a long time and finally got them done, well half, still gotta get it coloured. Will I regret it? Not sure but I doubt it because I want to be reminded every single day to keep up the beautiful struggle. Besides, what is a tattoo compared to child birth and stretch marks? I'm already tiger striped for life, might as well add to the canvas ;) Note: the tattooist did tell us he has had multiple requests for YOLO tatts and has refused to do them.

Choosing experiences over chores:
Little L was in child care the other day. I could have done the usual 'clean the house, cook up his meals, washing etc' routine OR go to the Toulouse-Lautrec exhibition at the National Gallery. The spirit of YOLO compelled me to choose the latter and I'm so glad I did. Was such a treat to feast my eyes on those masterpieces and discover a new found love for a great artist. Afterwards I took in the view of the lake while eating my lunch and drinking a hot choc. Any mum knows what a great such a solo mission is. Life is short, chores will always be there but exhibitions move on and you miss out.

Creating new habits:
Went into Kikki.K and saw the 'Weekly Good Habits' pad and now giving it a go. I'm aiming to eat more fruit (more of a veges girl), increase my exercise and make sure I do something creative or nurturing for myself.

So there you have it. Of course I also am Applying YOLO to spending lots of time with loved ones and appreciating the simple things, but this is just some small examples of how I'm honouring the short time we have here.

YOLO! Embrace it and start making those changes for a happier and better you!


*My mummy has aggressive brain cancer.
**You know what show I'm talking about.
***Mum, this doesn't mean Lots Of Love.
**** thanks to rusabs.blogspot.com.au for picking a shade out for me.

New Universe

It is somewhat appropriate that it has been awhile since my last post as a new universe is created in a millisecond yet takes time to evolve.

My new universe came into existence with the big bang that is my son L. It is also serendipitous that the name of my blog address is 'afterlcomes' . When I picked this phrase it was a play on the alphabet and one of my nicknames M. But now, I realise after my little L came into my life the new M is emerging. M for Mother. The better version of me, now a Capital M.

No words can give justice to the wonders of any universe but perhaps my future posts will try. In the meantime here is some other people's attempts through words and images:

Birth

I did it drug free, not sure if I will again as L got stuck and it got torturous but I never have felt stronger and remind myself everyday - I did that, I can do anything!



Support

Depicts my experience beautifully x

New Aesthetic 

This is how I choose to think about my new body


Yummy Mummy

Keeping me stylin' at Stylista Mama


New World

Agree with the above except for number four. Heels are torture, I'm a flats girl like Rose . 

Gotta go but will be posting a lot more again, I hope!

See ya,

M x

Baking the Goods

I have now been an oven for 23 weeks which means I'm over halfway before this little bun will come and greet the world. It is also time for another update...

1. Baby Blue
   We are having a little boy!! So exciting and feels so much more real now that we know and can start calling him by his name instead of 'it' or 'bubba'. I was convinced we were having a little girl because I had dreams of a girl and just had a feeling – turns out I was wrong! Was bit of a shock but couldn't be happier to have a son :-) Just don't tell Dr Love's folks, they want a surprise so won't know until he is born (or someone slips up)!
2. Milo and milk
   I should own shares in Nestle and a dairy farm because they have been my constant source of nutrition for the last few months. I still spew in the mornings if I try to have breakfast so Milo and milk is all I have. Also have a glass before bed at night. Must be the chocolate I'm loving in it – crave chocolate A LOT! It is like PMS times a million. At least I'm not craving tabouli anymore – was getting real garlic breath.



Leaning tower of Milo - didn't empty my car for a few days ( due to the insane weather and full hands) and this is what happened - evidence of my breakfast on the way to work.

3. Making a nest
   Nesting has made me the cleanest and most organised I have ever been, to the point where it is actually impacting on my everyday life. One night I couldn't sleep until I had organised our linen cupboard including making labels for all the piles. These labels are very specific, for example, I have one that says 'light towels' and another 'dark towels'. Yes everything is colour coded and folded to perfection. It makes me just feel so calm when I see it all organised. Dr Love is really enjoying this new me, as I've turned into the wog wife he never had. He reckons I have been a bit mean though 'cause of the babymones which I responded with 'you get a neat wife, or a nice wife, but not both'! ;-)



This linen cupboard from Martha Stewart makes my heart soar!

4. Movement from within
   The first time I felt my son move was the strangest feeling I have ever had. I was sitting at my desk at work and felt like bubbles were going off somewhere around my stomach, not in my stomach. I jumped up and said to the ladies at work "I just felt a kick"!! Was so lovely. Since that day (around 19 weeks) the movements have gotten stronger every day. I have started to recognise this little man's schedule – he likes to be active when I try to sleep but then sleeps in until about 8.30-9am. He tells me he is hungry or my pants are too tight by giving me a few punches. The last two nights I have even see my tummy 'jump' when a limb pushes out. So far Dr Love hasn't been able to feel it, but that is because when he puts his hand on my stomach our little boy calms down straight away :)
5. Cry me a river
   Sometimes (OK bit more than just sometimes) I just start crying. I've had to stop watching any sad movies (Red Dog was a bad idea), reading some books – even having to hang out the washing has set me off!! As soon as the tears start they stop, which is followed by laughter. Babymones sure are crazy!
6. French Children Don't Throw Food
   Is the current 'it' book in the child rearing section of any Australian bookstore. I picked it up mainly because it seemed like a light yet interesting read, the cute cover didn't hurt either. So far it has been quite interesting on its observations on why French children seemed so much better behaved than 'anglophiles'. I do appreciate the more relaxed attitude the French have towards pregnancy and settling a bub in the first few months. Also love how the French hardly use the equivalent word for 'discipline' but rather say 'educate' when it comes to child rearing.

7. Ready, set, ummn..... go?
   I have had a few self-doubting moments over the last few months around the lines 'can I do this'? When it really hit me was when I went with my mum to one of those massive baby warehouse kind of stores. I saw so many products I hadn't even thought about such as feeding pillows, sterilizers and bunny rugs! Had a mild panic attack as all these things bombarded me at once. With the advice from friends, family and my midwife I am working my way through all of this and determining what is necessary and what isn't – hey, at least I know what a bunny rug is now!!
8. Group love
   Being pregnant has shown me how much love surrounds me in my personal and work life. Everyone has been so supportive and excited which is just making the best joy vibe all around me. So wonderful to share this experience with such special people! People have gotten involved by participating in a few baby sweeps (hey, I'm the granddaughter of a bookie, gotta have bets on sex, birth date and weight of bub), generous gifts, kind words, carrying heavy stuff and just being really cool. They will all be rewarded with lots of baby cuddles, kisses and maybe a nappy change or two when bub is here! ;-)
9. Boobs just keep getting bigger and bigger!!
   Yep, the gals are officially out of control. They look like massive footballs and feel that way as well. In the last month they have grown by four inches but my belly only by one inch – eek! Thank goodness for my cousin working at a local lingerie shop to 'hook and strap' me up with much needed support*.
10. Stay tuned for some pics...
    My gorgeous friend took some shots of the bump and me – the idea is to take some once a month until bubba is born and then when he is here – I'll post some up when I get them.

See ya,

M xx

*Pun intended

Bun in the Bakery...

So I have been an oven for about four months now and I thought this would be a good time to share some experiences I have had. I will do this each trimester so we can all look back and remember what it was like, as these babymones are already making me very forgetful....

1. Frozen drinks are the bomb!
After spewing multiple times every day for the last four months, frozen cokes, slurpies and Boost Juice Berry Crushers have been lifesavers and often meals on their own...



The one thing I could keep down on the worst spewfeast weekend...

A pregnancy-friendly birthday from the girls at work - watermelon and gingerbread man :)

2. Roast chicken is evil
That is all, just thinking/typing about it makes me queasy

3. Double D boobs can get bigger
Ever since I hit puberty the 'girls' have been a somewhat hindrance. Take school socials as an example - awkward as f*** when late blooming boys' faces was directly inline with them during a slow jam – I had to move back a bit for fear of suffocating the poor guy! When college came along the same boys would call me 'A cup' just to be ironic – ha ha. Anyway, since being knocked up the girls have turn into a whole another life force growing to ridiculous size where I stare at them and think 'is this for real?' in between the leakage and all day throbbing – oh yeah, real hot boys!!

4. Dogs know all
Alfie our beloved pooch and 'first son' has been lying on my belly whenever he gets the chance. He has never done this before and doesn't do it to anyone else. When we go into the room with the 'bebe' sign he always wants to come in and have a sniff. Yep, he can sense his skin sibling for sure!

5. Bikini bump
I have never felt more comfortable in a bikini as I do now with my big belly out for the world to see. It is so liberating to be like 'yeah, I'm preggas and I don't care because the human body is beautiful'. However, I must admit when I see other sunsoakers on the beach eyeing the bulge off I hold it, so there is no doubt that there is a bun in the bakery.

6. Is it a boy or girl?
If you know me you know I am so impatient. I really, really want to know the sex of our baby. Can't find out for another month until the 20 week scan. In the meantime I have created a family sweep – everyone has picked the sex and date of when bub will join us. I will go and buy a gift for the winner :)

7. I've never been happier
No truer words have ever been spoken – up until bub is actually born I'm sure – then I think I might actually burst from all the joy that is inside me, in our home and in our families.

8. So glad the first three months are over
Because they are full of anxiety, ups and downs. Every time I felt a cramp or something strange I got scared, the rare day I didn't spew I got scared. Full of excitement and fear at the same time was a tad hard to manage. So I just turned to God and said a prayer whenever these doubts crept in, which of course, made everything better. I still have some of these nervous thoughts (which is why I'm researching the best baby monitors that detect breathing patterns), but nothing like the torture of the first trimester.

9. Can't wait to start pre-natal yoga
Had to stop my usual power yoga because overheating is a no no for Bubba, so missing yoga (and wogball) a lot. Classes start in a few weeks.

10. What is in a name?
Dr Love and I picked our future baby names on our honeymoon. Everyone has an opinion on them but we don't care, because they reflect the country we really love Italy, and honour one of our favourite people of all time Nonno.

Tre Amici Belle

I'm missing three of my beautiful friends so so much. These three women are off on each of their own adventures, exploring the world outside of Australia and striving for new dreams, achieving aspirations and basically rocking the world like no one's business.   Some might say 'oh they are soo lucky that they get the chance to live overseas' and 'I would if I could'. However, I know the truth – these women have said 'f**k it, I'm doing this. I'm making my own reality. This might be hard but it will be worth it'. So while these women may be blessed, I know that what they are doing has come from a brave and determined place, not just a stroke of luck.

I'm not sad with these ladies being away, for while they are not in the same postcode or even patch of earth as me, I am happy knowing they are doing what they want to. Besides, technology allows love letters via email and Facebook so it isn't all gloom and doom.

However, no denying I miss their hugs, laughs and voices. As such, this following post is in dedication of these three hotties, and my ode to them:

Miss Y

Vino + Laughs = time with Miss Y

Miss Y is half Peruvian, half Spanish and 100% yummy. She is smart, earth woman, super fit and funny. This woman is traveling around Spain and writing her first novel. Miss Y has had this dream to be an author for a long time, and now is dedicating at least six months to this achievement.

Miss Y is colour and warmth

Sometimes you are just meant to know people, and Miss Y is one of them for me. A few years ago we applied for the same job, both got a position and our girl-mance grew from sharing lunches and leaning on each other in the new work environment. I was drawn by Miss Y's sense of fun and mutual loves of food, music, words, fashion and wogball. Miss Y and I get each other. We have had some similar life struggles and come to each other from a place of understanding. Having access to Miss Y at least five times a week was instrumental in gaining my confidence after a long time out of the workforce. She recognised my struggle and championed me on. Plus Miss Y is one of the best centre mid-fielders I have ever seen, so it is worth having her on your team! ;-) Dr Love really gets along well with Miss Y, and I think this is because we come from similar circles – Miss Y is practical, not scared of getting dirty and always up for a laugh over vino. Yep, I love this amiga and I miss her terribly. She is showing so much strength going out on a limb to follow a dream and I know it will be all worth it! Can't wait to read her book (BTW, she better name a character after me, even if it is just a small, waitress kind of gig).

Miss H

Miss H reminds me of a little black dress - sophisticated, playful and timeless

You will be hard pressed to find a classier lady than Miss H. We met in our uni years – bonded over clubbing in R&B joints, chai lattes and bad boys. We grew up together, meaning we both ended up working at the same place, and got tired of bad boys and married good men instead. Miss H oozes style and grace – she introduced me to brands I had never been exposed to and the finer things in life. What's more, Miss H welcomed me into her own little posse and I feel very honoured to now have this circle of friends as my own.

Miss H's favourite dessert - Black Forrest Cake

Miss H was there for me when I needed her the most. We hadn't known each other for that long, but as I was in and out of hospital one year, she had my back, visiting me every weekend with the other girls and showering me with magazines, baked goods, time and company. I will forever be in debt to Miss H for that. She is now living with her new groom in Canada, enjoying a working holiday and going to fabulous sights and events every other weekend. She shunned the standard 'settle down, settle down' and decided to see the world for at least another year. I love Miss H and I wish she knew how strong and talented she really is. I can't wait to see Miss H again and eat some of her baking – she is the Asian Martha Stewart!!

Miss S

Miss S and I love to share a cuppa

Miss S and I met in college (year 11 and 12 for you non-Canberrean educated peeps). We worked as Candy bar chicks together. When I first Miss S I was intimated – this girl was hot and all the boys wanted a piece – I could never fit in with this chickey-dee. However, we got to know each other and turned into steadfast friends.

Yep, Miss S and I love a good sing-a-long 

We both have country sensibilities, enjoy daydreaming, both drove bomb cars and enjoyed eating tonnes of chocolate. Miss S is tough and left Oz for better things. I know this was hard for Miss S as she had some heartbreaks, but as the trooper she is, went for it and is now shining. She is a fantastic journalist with a regular colum. Her travels have even brought her some loving – bliss. What I admire most in Miss S is her love for life and drive to make the most of all opportunities. Latest news is that Miss S will be back soon and I can't wait to share one of our catch up sessions over a cuppa and chin wag.

So there you have it, a little on three incredible ladies living out their dreams OS. However, every woman in my life is really incredible, they all have their stories, are successful, witty, charming and downright kind. I'm so blessed to have all these amici in my life. As the deeply perceptive Spice Girls put it 'GIRL POWER!!!!