Running and Stumbling

 Six months ago my family got one of the biggest shocks possible, and like the starting gun of a marathon we have been running and stumbling since.

My mother was diagnosed with a Stage IV Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM) brain tumour.  Since then we have all survived her surgery, six weeks of radiation and monthly rounds of chemo. We wouldn't be able to do it without the incredible support we have received. Advice, practical love, listening ears and thoughtful gestures are carrying us when we feel like giving up.

So in honour of this and to 'pay it forward', here are two lists of ideas that you might find helpful if you are either caring for a loved one with cancer or are a friend of a carer. This is by no means a fool-proof guide on how to deal with such a difficult situation but rather what has worked for me so far.

If you are a carer:

* Two of my nearest and dearest girlfriends gave me this piece of advice about fighting cancer "remember it is a marathon, not a sprint". This has been so true. Try to pace yourself, make time just for you and be kind to yourself. You are no help to anyone if you are totally drained.

*Rally your team, delegate certain tasks and have a roster. This has really worked for my family. One of us deals with the finances and legal tasks while another two rotate being at appointments and giving home care. This allows for everyone to still maintain other life responsibilities and reduce burnout. We also have a family calendar which gets updated and circulated regularly so everyone knows when the next appointments/trips to Sydney are.

*Use a whiteboard in your kitchen and write down critical things especially the medications list including dosage instructions plus important phone numbers.

*Have a good record keeping system, even if it is just having one big folder for everything. Take it to all your appointments. You could be dealing with surgeons, oncologists, radiologists, physiotherapists, psychologists, nurse coordinators, occupational therapists, GPs and more. Inevitably they will ask for certain types of information so it is just easy to have it all on you.

*Fight for the best and don't stop until you get it. It is a harsh reality but when it comes to medical practitioners there is the super stars and then the not so good. Do you research, ask your contacts, find out who is the TOP GUN in their field and get them to look after your loved one. Never apologise for being pushy, this can be a life and death situation and I want the person with the best record for saving lives.

*Plan fun. With the gruelling schedule of appointments, feeling ill and just surviving you need to have fun, take the edge off and heal. Every Tuesday night mum, my sister and I have date night. Sometimes we go to the movies or a show. If mum is not feeling crash hot we just hang at her house. We have also planned a few small family trips.

*Be proactive. I'm not a doctor or in research and at times feel hopeless, so I have done some fundraising for different cancer related charities. It makes me feel like I'm doing something positive and contributing to a brighter future.

*Seek help. I'm always here to help if I can in some way. All you have to do is get in contact :)

If you are a friend of a carer

The best advice I can give is just DO SOMETHING! If it is from the heart it will be appreciated and radiate hope and love. Do what feels right to you. Here is some things people have done for me:

*sent a text or a Facebook message checking in

*cooked some meals

*sent flowers

*sent a handwritten card

*supported fundraising events

*called and listened

*shouted a pedicure and massage

*been physically present 

*allowed a flexible working environment so I can attend appointments

*looked after our pet while staying in Sydney

*cleaned our house and stocked the fridge before we returned home from Sydney

*provided mum free haircuts/head shaves

*helped with my sick toddler so I could get some sleep

*made me laugh

*allowed me to cry

*shared advice and experiences fom their own battles

*continued to be a support long after the initial shock

*been a true friend

Hopefully the above has helped in some way. In all of this it has been so humbling to receive such gracious gestures and to know how precious life truly is.

Xx

10 Things We Can Learn from Beyonce

Sometimes when  I feel down or just a bit blah, I watch Beyonce YouTube videos and get my girl power on again. Here are 10 things we can learn from Beyonce:

1. Bootylicious

We are all perfect creations that are made to feel imperfect but never fear! Flip it, embrace your so called 'flaws', create a new way to describe them and don't worry about those 'not ready for your jelly'!

http://youtu.be/aOrZ42Z-ewA

2. Best Thing I Never Had

"Find the good in goodbye" and realise a missed opportunity can be a blessing in disguise. Whether it is a relationship, promotion or relocation recognise that often a higher power is looking after you and closing off something not that beneficial.

http://youtu.be/FHp2KgyQUFk

3. Girl

Stand strong with your girlfriends. Show them you care. No woman can get through life without her ladies cheering her on. As Destiny's Child puts it: "I'm your girl, you're my girl, we're your girls, don't you know that we love you?".

http://youtu.be/ZIszesDaK9U

3. Freakum Dress

Enough said, we all need to get our hot on from time to time!

 http://youtu.be/ArDXxTsJJoo

4. Me, Myself and I

Being a strong, independent and single lady is a powerful message Queen Bee often advocates. One that will forever be true - you don't ever need a man to validate your self worth. Never stay in a bad relationship, you are magnificent on your own, don't let anyone steal your shine.

http://youtu.be/4S37SGxZSMc

http://youtu.be/4m1EFMoRFvY

5. Why Don't You Love Me

We all get insecure from time to time.

http://youtu.be/QczgvUDskk0

6. Upgrade U

If you are in a relationship make sure you are a power couple. Choose someone who pushes you to be your best, while you do the same for them. This doesn't just apply to our careers but also our growth as a human such as our emotional and spiritual development, and even our parenting skills.

 http://youtu.be/6nr8hPnZfMU

7. Diva

"A diva is a female version of a hustla" and girls don't ever give up the hustle! Don't be afraid of hard work and watch that money and success pile up!

http://youtu.be/rNM5HW13_O8

8. Crazy in Love

Fall head over heels, it is the only way to the this love thing right!

http://youtu.be/ViwtNLUqkMY

9. Survivor

Be a survivor. Crawl and fight your way through the darkness and become resilient in the process.

http://youtu.be/Wmc8bQoL-J0

10. Green light

This is for the men - sometimes a strong woman just wants you to take the lead ;)

http://youtu.be/bOXvqkC3W4M

Progress...

Well it is that time of year again - resolution time!

I've never been a huge fan on 'resolutions' but rather 'goals' and usually made them on my birthday instead of New Years. However, I forgot to this year due to being quite ill and at a wedding so I am joining the masses and planning mine now.

1. Aim for progress, not perfection

I saw this as an instagram quote and it has really resonated with me. To the naked eye I might not seem like a perfectionist (I'm not very competitive or neat) but I am. I belong to the 'hard on myself, never can live up to my own expectations' perfectionist club. I realise I have allowed this trait do three unhealthy things in my life:
1. I never feel good enough
2. I do not do things because I'm waiting to get it just right (thus the 'saved as drafts' blog posts and half finished marketing plans)
3. I beat myself up for my shortcomings.

Never fear! I've already adopted this quote for my new mantra and have realised if I keep trying to get things perfect they will just remain ideas with no results. In the last few days I have:
* finally started sponsoring a child through Plan. Something I have wanted to do for ages but just kept putting off
* initiated a new volunteer venture (watch this space for more details)
* started Little L's baby book
* being more conscious of how I speak to Dr Love (which is my second goal for the year).

The above may not seem that significant but they are to me. I'm making a conscious effort to 'just get things done' and stop getting hung up on getting things perfect. My hope and aim is that I can maintain this approach through 2013 which will allow me not only to achieve more but also be kinder to myself.

2. Speak gently

One of my bad habits is how I snap at Dr Love when we are speaking about day to day things. I only speak to him in this manner and it does distress me how we often are not as gracious as we should be to the people that matter the most. It started off without me realising (Dr Love used to have a gruff way of communicating and I started mimicking it unconsciously). It now has turned into common practice due to being frustrated when having to repeat myself (admit it guys, you aren't always the best listeners) and just being sooo tired due to having a new baby making me the Grumpy one of Snow White's crew. Breastfeeding, lack of sleep and constant demands of parenthood have taken their lingustic toll. While we have a rock solid relationship full of love there is always room for improvement so this is my second goal for the year (along with to stop swearing but I make that goal every year and fail miserably - it is my biggest vice).

So there you have it - two of my resolutions/goals for 2013. What are yours? Please share as I find when I do I become more accountable and committed :)

See ya,
M x
Ps. Notice my non-perfect image below? Could of been cropped better but leaving as is to prove I don't have to get everything spot on... Hehehe

Tre Amici Belle

I'm missing three of my beautiful friends so so much. These three women are off on each of their own adventures, exploring the world outside of Australia and striving for new dreams, achieving aspirations and basically rocking the world like no one's business.   Some might say 'oh they are soo lucky that they get the chance to live overseas' and 'I would if I could'. However, I know the truth – these women have said 'f**k it, I'm doing this. I'm making my own reality. This might be hard but it will be worth it'. So while these women may be blessed, I know that what they are doing has come from a brave and determined place, not just a stroke of luck.

I'm not sad with these ladies being away, for while they are not in the same postcode or even patch of earth as me, I am happy knowing they are doing what they want to. Besides, technology allows love letters via email and Facebook so it isn't all gloom and doom.

However, no denying I miss their hugs, laughs and voices. As such, this following post is in dedication of these three hotties, and my ode to them:

Miss Y

Vino + Laughs = time with Miss Y

Miss Y is half Peruvian, half Spanish and 100% yummy. She is smart, earth woman, super fit and funny. This woman is traveling around Spain and writing her first novel. Miss Y has had this dream to be an author for a long time, and now is dedicating at least six months to this achievement.

Miss Y is colour and warmth

Sometimes you are just meant to know people, and Miss Y is one of them for me. A few years ago we applied for the same job, both got a position and our girl-mance grew from sharing lunches and leaning on each other in the new work environment. I was drawn by Miss Y's sense of fun and mutual loves of food, music, words, fashion and wogball. Miss Y and I get each other. We have had some similar life struggles and come to each other from a place of understanding. Having access to Miss Y at least five times a week was instrumental in gaining my confidence after a long time out of the workforce. She recognised my struggle and championed me on. Plus Miss Y is one of the best centre mid-fielders I have ever seen, so it is worth having her on your team! ;-) Dr Love really gets along well with Miss Y, and I think this is because we come from similar circles – Miss Y is practical, not scared of getting dirty and always up for a laugh over vino. Yep, I love this amiga and I miss her terribly. She is showing so much strength going out on a limb to follow a dream and I know it will be all worth it! Can't wait to read her book (BTW, she better name a character after me, even if it is just a small, waitress kind of gig).

Miss H

Miss H reminds me of a little black dress - sophisticated, playful and timeless

You will be hard pressed to find a classier lady than Miss H. We met in our uni years – bonded over clubbing in R&B joints, chai lattes and bad boys. We grew up together, meaning we both ended up working at the same place, and got tired of bad boys and married good men instead. Miss H oozes style and grace – she introduced me to brands I had never been exposed to and the finer things in life. What's more, Miss H welcomed me into her own little posse and I feel very honoured to now have this circle of friends as my own.

Miss H's favourite dessert - Black Forrest Cake

Miss H was there for me when I needed her the most. We hadn't known each other for that long, but as I was in and out of hospital one year, she had my back, visiting me every weekend with the other girls and showering me with magazines, baked goods, time and company. I will forever be in debt to Miss H for that. She is now living with her new groom in Canada, enjoying a working holiday and going to fabulous sights and events every other weekend. She shunned the standard 'settle down, settle down' and decided to see the world for at least another year. I love Miss H and I wish she knew how strong and talented she really is. I can't wait to see Miss H again and eat some of her baking – she is the Asian Martha Stewart!!

Miss S

Miss S and I love to share a cuppa

Miss S and I met in college (year 11 and 12 for you non-Canberrean educated peeps). We worked as Candy bar chicks together. When I first Miss S I was intimated – this girl was hot and all the boys wanted a piece – I could never fit in with this chickey-dee. However, we got to know each other and turned into steadfast friends.

Yep, Miss S and I love a good sing-a-long 

We both have country sensibilities, enjoy daydreaming, both drove bomb cars and enjoyed eating tonnes of chocolate. Miss S is tough and left Oz for better things. I know this was hard for Miss S as she had some heartbreaks, but as the trooper she is, went for it and is now shining. She is a fantastic journalist with a regular colum. Her travels have even brought her some loving – bliss. What I admire most in Miss S is her love for life and drive to make the most of all opportunities. Latest news is that Miss S will be back soon and I can't wait to share one of our catch up sessions over a cuppa and chin wag.

So there you have it, a little on three incredible ladies living out their dreams OS. However, every woman in my life is really incredible, they all have their stories, are successful, witty, charming and downright kind. I'm so blessed to have all these amici in my life. As the deeply perceptive Spice Girls put it 'GIRL POWER!!!!