Ladies' Night...

These images were taken at our monthly ladies' night. A bunch of amazing women I'm blessed to call friends gather once a month to eat, talk, be merry, vent, mourn, laugh and predict who will get the final rose on The Bachelor.

I've known some of these women for around 20 years!! Yikes!! I remember them as innocent primary school girls, awkward high schoolers, not so innocent twenty-something's and now fabulous members of the thirties club.

There has been breakups, bust ups, falling outs, travels, babies, marriages, parties and everything in between. Yet we always end up in our pjs bonding over food and tv.

I love this and ladies, I love you.

Xx

Running and Stumbling

 Six months ago my family got one of the biggest shocks possible, and like the starting gun of a marathon we have been running and stumbling since.

My mother was diagnosed with a Stage IV Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM) brain tumour.  Since then we have all survived her surgery, six weeks of radiation and monthly rounds of chemo. We wouldn't be able to do it without the incredible support we have received. Advice, practical love, listening ears and thoughtful gestures are carrying us when we feel like giving up.

So in honour of this and to 'pay it forward', here are two lists of ideas that you might find helpful if you are either caring for a loved one with cancer or are a friend of a carer. This is by no means a fool-proof guide on how to deal with such a difficult situation but rather what has worked for me so far.

If you are a carer:

* Two of my nearest and dearest girlfriends gave me this piece of advice about fighting cancer "remember it is a marathon, not a sprint". This has been so true. Try to pace yourself, make time just for you and be kind to yourself. You are no help to anyone if you are totally drained.

*Rally your team, delegate certain tasks and have a roster. This has really worked for my family. One of us deals with the finances and legal tasks while another two rotate being at appointments and giving home care. This allows for everyone to still maintain other life responsibilities and reduce burnout. We also have a family calendar which gets updated and circulated regularly so everyone knows when the next appointments/trips to Sydney are.

*Use a whiteboard in your kitchen and write down critical things especially the medications list including dosage instructions plus important phone numbers.

*Have a good record keeping system, even if it is just having one big folder for everything. Take it to all your appointments. You could be dealing with surgeons, oncologists, radiologists, physiotherapists, psychologists, nurse coordinators, occupational therapists, GPs and more. Inevitably they will ask for certain types of information so it is just easy to have it all on you.

*Fight for the best and don't stop until you get it. It is a harsh reality but when it comes to medical practitioners there is the super stars and then the not so good. Do you research, ask your contacts, find out who is the TOP GUN in their field and get them to look after your loved one. Never apologise for being pushy, this can be a life and death situation and I want the person with the best record for saving lives.

*Plan fun. With the gruelling schedule of appointments, feeling ill and just surviving you need to have fun, take the edge off and heal. Every Tuesday night mum, my sister and I have date night. Sometimes we go to the movies or a show. If mum is not feeling crash hot we just hang at her house. We have also planned a few small family trips.

*Be proactive. I'm not a doctor or in research and at times feel hopeless, so I have done some fundraising for different cancer related charities. It makes me feel like I'm doing something positive and contributing to a brighter future.

*Seek help. I'm always here to help if I can in some way. All you have to do is get in contact :)

If you are a friend of a carer

The best advice I can give is just DO SOMETHING! If it is from the heart it will be appreciated and radiate hope and love. Do what feels right to you. Here is some things people have done for me:

*sent a text or a Facebook message checking in

*cooked some meals

*sent flowers

*sent a handwritten card

*supported fundraising events

*called and listened

*shouted a pedicure and massage

*been physically present 

*allowed a flexible working environment so I can attend appointments

*looked after our pet while staying in Sydney

*cleaned our house and stocked the fridge before we returned home from Sydney

*provided mum free haircuts/head shaves

*helped with my sick toddler so I could get some sleep

*made me laugh

*allowed me to cry

*shared advice and experiences fom their own battles

*continued to be a support long after the initial shock

*been a true friend

Hopefully the above has helped in some way. In all of this it has been so humbling to receive such gracious gestures and to know how precious life truly is.

Xx

YOLO

YOLO is my new motto.

You
Only
Live
Once

Nothing like your mother having a life threatening illness* to get your YOLO swagger on.

I was introduced to this phrase by my guilty pleasure 'Keeping up with Preggas Kim'** and my sis when she went partying five nights in a row. I instantly loved YOLO, how is sums up an attitude in a cute word.

Now I have chosen to make YOLO my daily mantra and so has the rest of my family. What is great about YOLO is that you don't have to do something incredibly exciting to embrace it (although this is def allowed when YOLO is involved). All you have to do is WHATEVER YOU WANT!

So here are some ways I'm getting my YOLO on:

Wearing lipstick:
Might as well start with the most earth shattering of them all right?!?! LOL***. I have always been scared to wear lipstick because I barely have any lips whatsoever. I've always admired from afar the lovely lassies pouting those juicy bright lips while I stuck to my 'heavy eye, no lippie' look. But now I am YOLOing it. Seriously, who cares if it isn't  the best look for me?? YOLO demands we enjoy ourselves and have fun! So now I sport a bright lip****. Hubby is not a fan as he thinks it is ageing,but I don't care, YOLO is being true to yourself and having a go (insert a big smiley face with red lips here)!

Getting inked:
Sis and I went and got inked. We have matching lotus flower tattoos in honour of our mummy and what the lotus represents. That beauty comes through growing and rising above the mud and murky waters. We both talked about it for a long time and finally got them done, well half, still gotta get it coloured. Will I regret it? Not sure but I doubt it because I want to be reminded every single day to keep up the beautiful struggle. Besides, what is a tattoo compared to child birth and stretch marks? I'm already tiger striped for life, might as well add to the canvas ;) Note: the tattooist did tell us he has had multiple requests for YOLO tatts and has refused to do them.

Choosing experiences over chores:
Little L was in child care the other day. I could have done the usual 'clean the house, cook up his meals, washing etc' routine OR go to the Toulouse-Lautrec exhibition at the National Gallery. The spirit of YOLO compelled me to choose the latter and I'm so glad I did. Was such a treat to feast my eyes on those masterpieces and discover a new found love for a great artist. Afterwards I took in the view of the lake while eating my lunch and drinking a hot choc. Any mum knows what a great such a solo mission is. Life is short, chores will always be there but exhibitions move on and you miss out.

Creating new habits:
Went into Kikki.K and saw the 'Weekly Good Habits' pad and now giving it a go. I'm aiming to eat more fruit (more of a veges girl), increase my exercise and make sure I do something creative or nurturing for myself.

So there you have it. Of course I also am Applying YOLO to spending lots of time with loved ones and appreciating the simple things, but this is just some small examples of how I'm honouring the short time we have here.

YOLO! Embrace it and start making those changes for a happier and better you!


*My mummy has aggressive brain cancer.
**You know what show I'm talking about.
***Mum, this doesn't mean Lots Of Love.
**** thanks to rusabs.blogspot.com.au for picking a shade out for me.

New Universe

It is somewhat appropriate that it has been awhile since my last post as a new universe is created in a millisecond yet takes time to evolve.

My new universe came into existence with the big bang that is my son L. It is also serendipitous that the name of my blog address is 'afterlcomes' . When I picked this phrase it was a play on the alphabet and one of my nicknames M. But now, I realise after my little L came into my life the new M is emerging. M for Mother. The better version of me, now a Capital M.

No words can give justice to the wonders of any universe but perhaps my future posts will try. In the meantime here is some other people's attempts through words and images:

Birth

I did it drug free, not sure if I will again as L got stuck and it got torturous but I never have felt stronger and remind myself everyday - I did that, I can do anything!



Support

Depicts my experience beautifully x

New Aesthetic 

This is how I choose to think about my new body


Yummy Mummy

Keeping me stylin' at Stylista Mama


New World

Agree with the above except for number four. Heels are torture, I'm a flats girl like Rose . 

Gotta go but will be posting a lot more again, I hope!

See ya,

M x